Archive for April, 2010


When we choose that which is not best for us, there can be a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal.

In almostevery case, we know what is best for us in our lives, from the relationships we create to the food we eat. Still, somewhat mysteriously, it is often difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. We find ourselves hanging out with someone who leaves us feeling drained or choosing to eat fast food over a salad. We go through phases where we stop doing yoga or taking vitamins, even though we feel so much better when we do. Often we have no idea why we continue to make the less enlightened choice, but it is important that we inquire into ourselves to find out.

When we choose that which is not best for us, the truth can be that there is a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal. We may say it’s because we don’t have the time or the energy or the resources, but the real truth is that when we don’t take care of ourselves we are falling prey to self-sabotage. Self-sabotage happens unconsciously, which is why it’s so difficult to see that we are doing it. The important thing to realize is that this very part of us that resists our healing is the part that most needs our attention and love. Even as it appears to be working against us, if we can simply bring it into the light of our consciousness, it can become our greatest ally. It carries the information we need to move to the next level in our healing process.

When we recognize that we are not making healthy choices, we might even say out loud, “I am not taking care of myself.” Sometimes this is the jolt we need to wake up to what is actually happening. Next we can sit ourselves down in meditation, with a journal, or with a trusted friend to explore the matter more thoroughly. Just shining the light of our awareness on the source of our resistance is sometimes enough to dispel its power. At other times, further effort is required. Either way, we need not fear these parts that do not want to heal. We only need to take them under our wing and bring them with us into the light.

Excerpt from:
April 27, 2010

Shedding Light On Ourselves
Parts That Don’t Want To Heal

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Love Should Feel Good

“Love should feel good.  Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.”

Excerpt from Daily OM, April 19, 2010
For more information visit dailyom.com

This is from a handout in my group therapy.

When you say “yes” when you mean “no”:

  • You deny your own importance
  • You give away your power
  • You give up your rights
  • You give into fear

Often we become overwhelmed, resentful, angry, tired…, when we take on more than we can handle.  Learning to respect your own needs and boundaries are essential self-care skills.  Learning to refuse others requests is key to both of these.

Be Alive

The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.

If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

The following story, The Hole in the Sidewalk by Portia Nelson, is a wonderful metaphor for relapse prevention.  Think of the hole as some stressor or habit pattern (e.g., not getting enough rest) that increases the likelihood that you will slip back into anxiety or depression.  Recovery is a function of learning to make new and healthier choices that will decrease the likelihood that you will fall into the pit.

The Hole In the Sidewalk
Chapter 1: I walk down the street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I don’t see it.  I fall in.  I feel lost and hopeless.  It isn’t my fault.  It takes forever to find my way out.
Chapter 2: I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I pretend I don’t see it.  I fall in again.  I can’t believe I’m in the same place again, but it isn’t my fault.  It takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3: I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I see it.  I know it is still there.  I still fall in it.  It’s a habit.  My eyes are open .  I know where I am.  It’s my fault.  I get out immediately.
Chapter 4: I walk down the same street, see a deep hole in the sidewalk, and walk around it.
Chapter 5: I walk down another street.

~ Excerpt taken from Healing from Depression by Douglas Bloch

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